There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
