After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
