We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
