this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
