yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
