just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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