he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
