Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize