It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
