dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
