its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
