Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
