I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize