And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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