I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
