he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
