I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
honey bunches of taint.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
