final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
