If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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