So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
