I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How's work?
Spinning.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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