Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
