i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
