she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
