so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
