theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
