I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
