loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
