My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm passing your future prison.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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