you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
