Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
