I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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