I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And then my night got REAL pukey
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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