do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Randomize
