oh god the rape fog is back!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
