ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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