This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
