So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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