For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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