fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wish you could order shots online.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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