So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
don't judge my taste in strippers
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
