Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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