Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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