my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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