so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
