I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
