i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
