Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
