I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
