see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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