oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
