you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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