So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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