Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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