So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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