I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
