Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
