I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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