How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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