So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
