Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
