New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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