We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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