He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
