Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize