Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
