I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
